I should know these things by not, right?

“Do you want marriage?”

“Where do you want to live?”

and the most challenging question thus far,

“DO YOU WANT KIDS?”

Sure I want marriage! Even when I've denied the mere fact that I am internally made especially to be someone’s wife, without the shadow of a doubt, I always knew otherwise. I want marriage. I want that feeling of coexisting with some handsome man on a white horse and weapons of mass destruction to protect me from all evil. Okay, NOT REALLY, the horse can be brown! *smile*

My mind travels and it does so in depth , I can visit anywhere in the world from exactly where I am. Well, clearly not literally, which is why I am always on the go. Thus far, my deepest connection culture wise, are with the Japanese. China town in San Francisco is surely a tourist attraction but it’s what I know of, and has dealt me the best Pho a Pho head could ever ask for. (Thanks Mom, for raising me on that good ole’ Ramen!!) But is it the culture that makes me feel comfy/at home or strictly the thousands of options of huge containers of my favorite food that I can get for just $8.32 w/tax?

I would LOVE the experience of living in another state, in fact, I am on a mission to do so now, unless that one guy on that brown horse comes along and our hearts become one and he’s more comfortable and stable in Louisiana, then I’ll stay. But as for now, Portland, Oregon has been on my heart since that one time I visited because I wanted to see if Portlandia was accurate, and it ’twas! I want to live in Portland for a few years before settling.

NOW, DOWN TO THE TOUGH ONE, DO I WANT KIDS?

I do NOT want kids… wait wait! Let me explain Where I am with this before you get all panicky!!

The list below does NOT provide the TRUE reasons I do not want kids, but it’s a good idea.:

1- “I am afraid to be a single mother.”

2- “I am afraid to change drastically, physically.”

3- “Child bearing is weird to me.”

4- “I’m HORRIBLE at such personal relationships.”

5- “I’m afraid I will die during child-birth.”

If you’ve talked with me about this recently you’ve probably heard me say 3 out of 5 of these. On top of that, I just never meet men that knows what they want…. and considering I’m old fashioned, I AM waiting to submit to an extent.

TRUTH IS: 

I do not want kids because my life is circling around where I am now and how I got here. I am a single woman living on my own, providing for myself 100%, and have been doing so for the past 10 years. Well, except for those 20x’s my mom’s had to front my bills and groceries, even when I did have a man. (Mistake #1,987)

I’ve never dated a man that knows what he wants. This applies to career, family, or even for himself. I blame young age. We are transitioning out the age range (we are close to 30) where you should still be trying to figure this stuff out, and have at least a general idea of what you want and work towards that confidently and wholeheartedly.

Needless to say, my journey of taking care of myself, and being emotionally healthy has lead me down a totally selfish path. I’ve been finding myself not wanting to share my space, trying to have TOTAL control of the energy let in AND give out, and yes, it’s gotten ridiculous, I’m not compromising anything for anyone right now! Maybe I’m letting the wrong people in?

I’m just protecting myself right? I am, for the first time in life. I am not fit to care for a child and don’t want to loose focus on my personal journey, which will probably keep me without a man for a while.

Damn I could write a book about this. So much more to say!! … NO! I do NOT want kids!!! … Unless OF COURSE, ole’ boy comes along in the far future, then, well, I hope he’s got room for me on that horse!

-----> Inspired by my blackness, haha?

Black Man

NO, black man! You cannot hit it, I've been beaten enough. You cannot use me as a sample and will not remain a visitor if you don't plan on making this your home. There's too much elastic in your back replacing the spine that once made you a man anyway, screw your flexibility! I am your sister, you are a man, BLACK MAN! I can still hear the cries of all the babies left behind by their own fathers. I can still see the pride of mine own so ashamed of my behavior and the way that I dressed that I couldn't even get that bed time story I cried so many nights for, or that protection when that question "Can I hit?" turned in to "LET me hit it". O, black man, I got the tongue of Nikki Giovanni ... I am bad. I look just like Maya Angelou, I am not cute, I am phenomenal, write it down on your skin. I breathe like Ruby Bridges, jeez can you help me?! Black man you don't have to look like that other black man that looks like that other black man. Suck up the blood of my wounds, sweep the track of my shoes black man, but don't forget your roots. Your jaws couldn't flap a mile in my space. Listen to the sweet charity of a brown girl, who has mistakenly been labeled as overlooking where she came from. But how can one ever forget being a light skin, hazel eyed, black kid feeling like you was born to be called everything but what you truly was? I'm speaking from the same umbilical cord you was clipped from, black man. You're a brother, my brother! You cannot hit, maybe we can talk about something else? Strength. Overcoming. Prosperity. How to not be a statistic, black man? Black man. Black man. Black....MAN! The only thing I hate more than a sentence without a period, is that you are on the streets, seeking to undress everything but your own mind ... Remember your daughter next time you ask a female can you hit, remember your mother and what you learned from she and your father, all the things about your family nobody else knows. Black man, not "my N.I.G.G.A.", conquer your mind. So black women can focus on helping you correct other things. #maskless#BlackHistoryMonth

Sincerely,
Black Woman

Was inspired to learn Photoshop .. 

Did this for my boyfriend for Valentine's Day! *inserts hearts and whatnot*

#MiKENergy

4,000 Miles

What's not to relate to in this play about twenty-one year old Leo who smokes pot with his ninety-one year old grandmother Vera, Amanda, who he crushes on, and Bec? NOTHING!! I mean, even if you've never smoked pot with your grandmother OR kissed your step-sister that night you were drunk, the language of this play still helps you relate to each character and the randomness of their conversation which forefront's their youthful life.

One motif that I found throughout this play was found in the language. The word "whadayacallit" was used often by Vera. This exemplified her as not an old woman who knew not what she what she wanted to say, it was something else. The word showed relationship between Vera and Leo. Below is an excerpt from the play... I mean the WHADAYACALLIT! 

Night Mother

'Night, Mother is definitely a theatrical production that can present have a few questions. Listed below are a few of them I came up with:

-Will Momma convince Jesse to not kill herself?
-Will Momma ever find out the real reason why Jesse wants to kill herself?
-Will Momma accept that Jesse is going to kill herself?

Though all of the questions above ARE important, I don't feel like any of them can be a MDQ. I feel the most legitimate question, and only MDQ in 'Night, Mother, is the one that asks will Jesse kill herself or not. This question is the only question that can be asked that has a definite yes or no answer. Example: Had Momma appeared to have accepted that Jesse was going to kill herself or that she would be fine without Jesse around, we could never know for sure what was in her heart. By the end of the play, what we COULD know is that Jesse is dead, that's solid, no debate. I think "Will Jesse kill herself" is the only MDQ.

(Theatrical Production)

 

 

(Movie link)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1-1Gv5bI9o

TRIFLES

As for THIS movie. HA! I suppose we all can think of a time we may have been cold towards something we should've had emotions towards, but, murder? I'm not sure about this one. I mean, I highly doubt that if I accused of murdering someone, nevertheless my husband, that I could sit in my fancy rocking chair pleating my apron and such as Mrs. Wright did when Mrs. Hale and Harry came over to ask her husband John about sharing a phone line. The development of Minnie Wright's character was one that was cold but not so far gone that the audience couldn't relate to her. The facts that were uncovered by Mrs. Hale and Mrs. Peters were legitimate facts that helped the audience to understand the detachment in Mrs. Wright's heart towards the death of John. KNOT IT!

 

 

TRILFES

play 

Overtones

Believe it, OR NOT, I had not idea that there were only two characters in this play until I was halfway through the reading and Margaret actually showed up at Harriet's place, where Hetty and Maggie stirred one another up. When that was discovered, I then understood the controversy between Harriet and Hetty. The line where Harriet tells Hetty that "I am your subtle overtones," explained a lot about the relationship between Margaret and Mattie as well. Which leads to one of the things I enjoyed the most about this play. All dialogue between Maggie and Hetty was not as structured as the dialogue between Harriet and Margaret. Which allowed the audience to understand clearly that the conscious does not verbally speak clearly and concisely to the world around it. Power of the OVERTONES!

Short Film

Play

(I had trouble inserting the actual video, forgive me. Here is the link)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QQfWxUB2eA